Training is a cornerstone of corporate success, but why aim for success when you can aim for spectacular failure? Here are some of the absolute worst corporate practices — the ones that guarantee your employees will leave more confused than when they arrived.
1. Death by PowerPoint
Nothing screams “learning opportunity” like a 200-slide PowerPoint presentation read word-for-word. Pack each slide with tiny text and unrelated clip art. The presenter should speak in a monotonous voice that could lull a caffeinated squirrel to sleep. Bonus points for using every single animation and transition effect available, Remember, the goal is to make sure no one absorbs any information.
2. Training by Acronyms
Make every sentence an acronym soup. Don’t explain them — ever. Assume everyone knows what ICANN (Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers) is, and if they don’t, it’s clearly their fault. If they ask for clarification, respond with more acronyms. Use sentences like: During the NATO meeting, the CEO of the SME emphasized the importance of SEO for ROI, while the CTO discussed the integration of AI, ML, and IoT to improve the UX of their SaaS platform, ensuring GDPR compliance and aligning with the KPIs set by the CFO, all while leveraging their ERP and CRM systems for optimal B2B and B2C engagement, and adhering to SOX and HIPAA regulations as well as promoting CSR through ESG initiatives.
3. Schedule Training at 7:00 a.m. on Mondays
There’s no better time to hold training sessions than at the crack of dawn on the most dreaded day of the week. Employees will be half-awake, ingesting coffee like it’s an IV drip, and more concerned with the existential dread of the upcoming workweek than your training material. Extra credit if it’s mandatory training after a holiday weekend.
4. Use Outdated Material
Training manuals from the 1990s are perfect. Nothing like referencing Windows 95 in a world of Windows 11 to keep things relevant. Keep those floppy disks and overhead projectors handy, and make sure the presenter is wearing vintage ‘90s office wear with a side of grunge.
5. Ignore Adult Learning Principles
Treat adults like children. Employ a strict “raise-your-hand-to-speak” policy and assume they have no prior experience in the field. When they ask tough questions, simply respond with, “Because I said so!” Adults love being patronized and will surely learn best under condescending circumstances.
6. Have No Clear Objectives
Start the training without any clear goals or outcomes. Let the session meander like a lost tourist without a map. The presenter should often forget what they were saying or where they are in the training schedule. This will ensure that by the end, participants will have no idea what they were supposed to learn or why they even attended.
7. One Size Fits All
Customize nothing. Use the same training material for the IT department as you would for Marketing. After all, coding and creative advertising are practically the same thing, right? Combine this with acronym-heavy sentences to complete the boredom and confusion. This one-size-fits-all approach guarantees that nobody will feel the training is relevant to their role.
8. Mandatory Fun Activities
Nothing builds resentment like enforced fun. Incorporate cringe-worthy icebreakers like Two Truths and a Lie or trust falls. See how people deal with pressure by making them talk about their most embarrassing moment in front of people they barely know. Make sure everyone participates, and don’t forget to feign excitement. It’s not corporate training without a mandatory fun activity that everyone secretly dreads.
9. Ban Interaction
Make the training a one-way lecture. Ban questions, discussions, or any form of interaction. If someone dares to speak up, remind them that questions are for the weak and that weakness will not be tolerated. If you see any conversation, make the perpetrators stand in front of the group to share what was so important that they were talking through the lesson. This method ensures everyone stays in their passive, disengaged zone.
10. Skimp on Refreshments
Nothing says “we value you” like a training session with a meager selection of stale pastries and lukewarm coffee. Make sure the sessions are long and the breaks are short and watch as participants get crankier and less attentive. Hungry minds don’t learn, and that’s exactly what you’re aiming for. Remember to set the thermostat to either 60 or 80 degrees, no in-between.
Bonus Tip: Technical Difficulties
Ensure the equipment never works. Microphones should squeal with feedback, projections should always be a bit slanted and not completely on the screen, and the Wi-Fi should be as reliable as a politician’s promise. Nothing disrupts learning quite like spending half the session troubleshooting technical issues.
The Grand Finale: Post-Training Oblivion
Finally, make sure there’s no follow-up. After the grueling session, don’t check in with employees, don’t offer additional resources, and definitely don’t measure whether the training was effective. The best training sessions are the ones that everyone can forget as quickly as possible.
Final Thoughts
There you have it — your ultimate guide to the worst corporate training practices. By following these tips, you’ll ensure that your training sessions are remembered for all the wrong reasons. After all, why aim for success when you can aim for a colossal failure? Happy training!
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Resources
Liles, Maryn. “Two Truths and a Lie! How to Play, the Sneakiest Tips & Tricks, Plus 100 of the Best Lie Ideas We’ve Ever Heard.” Parade. 9/29/22. Accessed 7/11/24. https://parade.com/1185071/marynliles/two-truths-and-a-lie-ideas/
Schwantes, Marcel. “‘Trust Falls’ Don’t Work: Understanding the Real Building Blocks of Corporate Culture.” Carrier Management. 10/13/27. Accessed 7/11/24. https://www.carriermanagement.com/features/2017/10/13/171950.htm
